how do i begin...? These past few days, ive been waiting for something to happen. Well well..i want to make it clear that im not "just waiting"...U see, this thing that ive been wanting to happen is NOT under my control..well if its under mine, definitely i did something already about it already than suffer the "tensi-fying" feeling of anticipation..
Ive been out of the country for almost a year now and more than anything else...I want to be with one who i love the most..We all have different kinds of love..YES..of course i miss my family, relatives and friends and the person im talkin abt is the one I plan the rest of my life with..Its when the family gains another member and another filipino family becomes extended. And yes, I miss this person soo much and I have been praying really hard for her to be here with me.. I was expecting that her visum will be out this week but sad to say, its not yet..I try not to be disappointed, not to be sad and not to sound to desperate..but it does affect me.. It was never easy to wait..especially when the waiting time is agonizing...Im feeling like a lightened candle in a dark room that slowly melts down while waiting for the lighst to be turned on.. And during these times,,there's only one Being that I call.. Its my God that I call upon..to show me the light, to give me more patience and to help me accept that things are already under His control...He knows when the right time is..and just as i am..I usually say this to myself so i can feel better and in peace..doing that makes me crazy....Lord give me patience...Let Your will be done! AMEN
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
what hurts the most....
another night is about to end and i am still thinking about my dog..I still cant get over the fact that i was not there for him when he needed me...I know i wont be able to do anything to keep him alive but just to let him know that i am also loyal to him until his dying hours... what hurts the most is wanting to be there for someone you love and care about in their trying times but can't...it hurts..even if its just a dog... =,C
Saturday, August 9, 2008
a master's cry 2
After confirming that my Bjørn is really dead, my tears almost fell, i had to deep breathly so i can get the pain out of my chest...I happened so fast! It was just this morning when he was brought to the clinic and now HE IS DEAD?!! Is this true??! THe whole day i was at work i was thinking how it happened,, and that i did not even see him once again. Its almost ten months since I last saw him and now i have to accept that I will never see him again.
Bjørn was always been loyal to me. Yes i know its given becuase his my dog and im his master. But just like any other relationship, we believe that your relationship (master and pet) is different from any other past relationships with the other dogs we had and its different from other master and dog relationship around us. Bjørn and I had our goodtimes..He used to sleep beside me on my bed (he's just a toy dog so i dont mind)until my parents had their vacation in Alabang. They did not like Bjørn to be free inside the house because He is a very stubborn dog. Always chasing anything that runs, that comes around him. Always jumping and he is very protective..(Feeling nya pitbull sya sa tapang!!)..Aside from being stubborn, he bit my brother's hand that caused him to stay outside the house. Well.. i didnt argue with my parents about it because biting my baby bro was really bad thing to do. But when my parents left for Norway, Bjørn had his freedom again. We are most of the time alone in our 3-floored house, so He did his stubborness while i was not looking. But everytime I called him surely he will come running to me. He also listens to me when I needed someone to talk to..hahaha (di pa ko baliw!) THis is just a product of being alone on rainy days.. There was no one to talk to, so I talked to him and I think he listened or maybe just pretending!hahaha..he fell asleep eventually. I said earlier that Bjørn is very protective..too much of it is bad. There were two othere persons that he bit and that made me to let him to stay outside the house. I also have my nieces around so i needed to protect them from Bjørn.. we know how babies are..they just used their hand anywhere..hit anything and i was afraid that they might hit Bjørn and surelly he will bite them.
His first night outside the house again from a very long time was sleepless.. He was crying..and of course Im his master, but i needed to set the rules. I tried to ignore his cry and i want him to get use to his situation. Well it did not take long and he got used to it. But i make sure that when it rains,, he stays inside.. From then on, Bjørn was my watch dog. And i can hear his bark from our street parking lot everytime i arrived from school. Until I became busy with school and other things. Bjørn became the least in my priorities. I wasnt able to find time to walk him but his food, that I always make sure. He only eats dogfood, so my stock of dogfood was never empty and it if does..ill really make my way to give him something that he's . used to.
After my adjustment to school and some other things..I was able to spend more time with Bjørn. ANd of course..he was ever loyal..as if i was never gone. As if I was always there for him to open the door when he cried so he can stay inside the house. As if i never ignored him when i came passed him without even looking at him or tapping his head. I know he loves me..I am the only person that can touch his plate while his eating without him attempting to bite my hand. He trusted me so much and for him, i will always be his master no matter how bad i treated him.
And now his service ended up so quickly..He will always be remembered by me, by US..I think I wont buy a dog for a pet for some time. ill be mourning for Bjørn and I just wish i was there when he took his last breath..I wished he heard me calling his name. I wish I was there to tap his head and touch his body for the last time..Goodbye Bjørn..We'll miss YOU!
Bjørn was always been loyal to me. Yes i know its given becuase his my dog and im his master. But just like any other relationship, we believe that your relationship (master and pet) is different from any other past relationships with the other dogs we had and its different from other master and dog relationship around us. Bjørn and I had our goodtimes..He used to sleep beside me on my bed (he's just a toy dog so i dont mind)until my parents had their vacation in Alabang. They did not like Bjørn to be free inside the house because He is a very stubborn dog. Always chasing anything that runs, that comes around him. Always jumping and he is very protective..(Feeling nya pitbull sya sa tapang!!)..Aside from being stubborn, he bit my brother's hand that caused him to stay outside the house. Well.. i didnt argue with my parents about it because biting my baby bro was really bad thing to do. But when my parents left for Norway, Bjørn had his freedom again. We are most of the time alone in our 3-floored house, so He did his stubborness while i was not looking. But everytime I called him surely he will come running to me. He also listens to me when I needed someone to talk to..hahaha (di pa ko baliw!) THis is just a product of being alone on rainy days.. There was no one to talk to, so I talked to him and I think he listened or maybe just pretending!hahaha..he fell asleep eventually. I said earlier that Bjørn is very protective..too much of it is bad. There were two othere persons that he bit and that made me to let him to stay outside the house. I also have my nieces around so i needed to protect them from Bjørn.. we know how babies are..they just used their hand anywhere..hit anything and i was afraid that they might hit Bjørn and surelly he will bite them.
His first night outside the house again from a very long time was sleepless.. He was crying..and of course Im his master, but i needed to set the rules. I tried to ignore his cry and i want him to get use to his situation. Well it did not take long and he got used to it. But i make sure that when it rains,, he stays inside.. From then on, Bjørn was my watch dog. And i can hear his bark from our street parking lot everytime i arrived from school. Until I became busy with school and other things. Bjørn became the least in my priorities. I wasnt able to find time to walk him but his food, that I always make sure. He only eats dogfood, so my stock of dogfood was never empty and it if does..ill really make my way to give him something that he's . used to.
After my adjustment to school and some other things..I was able to spend more time with Bjørn. ANd of course..he was ever loyal..as if i was never gone. As if I was always there for him to open the door when he cried so he can stay inside the house. As if i never ignored him when i came passed him without even looking at him or tapping his head. I know he loves me..I am the only person that can touch his plate while his eating without him attempting to bite my hand. He trusted me so much and for him, i will always be his master no matter how bad i treated him.
And now his service ended up so quickly..He will always be remembered by me, by US..I think I wont buy a dog for a pet for some time. ill be mourning for Bjørn and I just wish i was there when he took his last breath..I wished he heard me calling his name. I wish I was there to tap his head and touch his body for the last time..Goodbye Bjørn..We'll miss YOU!
a master's cry
08.08.08--I thought it was just another day for me. Aside from the usual not-having-a- goodnights sleep, i did not prepare for anything special this day. I was up every hour from 1 am til 3am and i talking to myself "matulog ka na! me trabaho ka pa!"..Well i guess after thinking about several plain white bondpapers, i did find my sleep but i know that i am half awake.
My mobilfone rang around 5.30 to 6 am and i was quite pissed because it was hell of a night for me, but anyway i still have to wake up to prepare for work. SO i took the fone and i was my sister in law with a very bad news for me. THe usual hi's and hello's and then straight to the matter. She just reported that my beloved dog Bjørn is in bad shape. Well, i was half asleep and half awake and i didnt quite realised the impact of how severe he was. She told me that my dog is in the clinic and on IVF because he has infection of heartworm. I am not familiar with the disease and i reacted just as it was a fever or the like..I told her that ask the Vets to do everything they can do and we hoped that Bjørn will be well.
So i hung up the phone went to the CR, did the morning rituals and headed to work. It was quite a busy morning for me. So many things to do at work but despite that, i remembered to put my mobilfone in my pocket just in case! coz i usually leave it in my bag coz it was quite heavy to have it in my pocket. Anyway..around 10am..my fone was ringing but i was too bz to answer it and it was not allowed to take calls while we are at work. But after a few minutes it rang again just as i was about to feed my patient, meaning iam inside her room and i can take the call. I took it and it was CJ. She said that she is with Bjørn right now and that he is trying to stand up despite how bad his situation is. I wanted to talk to my dog, i wanted him to hear me and tell him that i am here and that he should get well because i will see him when i have my vacation back in Alabang. Cj said that she cant because he is in a cage and it was quite difficult. So she talked about Bjørn, that he tried to response and stand up when he heard her voice but was too weak to even stand or bark. She elaborated more about his situation and explained to me what the vet said. And while all the talking was happening, she interrupted our conversation by saying "wala na si Bjørn"..
Hearing that for the first time she said it was unbelievable..maybe its just an initial reaction of humans to a negative situation..in denial..so i kept silent..and asked her again.."patay na si Bjørn?" she replied.."OO..sorry"...I was hurt, my heart broke..
My mobilfone rang around 5.30 to 6 am and i was quite pissed because it was hell of a night for me, but anyway i still have to wake up to prepare for work. SO i took the fone and i was my sister in law with a very bad news for me. THe usual hi's and hello's and then straight to the matter. She just reported that my beloved dog Bjørn is in bad shape. Well, i was half asleep and half awake and i didnt quite realised the impact of how severe he was. She told me that my dog is in the clinic and on IVF because he has infection of heartworm. I am not familiar with the disease and i reacted just as it was a fever or the like..I told her that ask the Vets to do everything they can do and we hoped that Bjørn will be well.
So i hung up the phone went to the CR, did the morning rituals and headed to work. It was quite a busy morning for me. So many things to do at work but despite that, i remembered to put my mobilfone in my pocket just in case! coz i usually leave it in my bag coz it was quite heavy to have it in my pocket. Anyway..around 10am..my fone was ringing but i was too bz to answer it and it was not allowed to take calls while we are at work. But after a few minutes it rang again just as i was about to feed my patient, meaning iam inside her room and i can take the call. I took it and it was CJ. She said that she is with Bjørn right now and that he is trying to stand up despite how bad his situation is. I wanted to talk to my dog, i wanted him to hear me and tell him that i am here and that he should get well because i will see him when i have my vacation back in Alabang. Cj said that she cant because he is in a cage and it was quite difficult. So she talked about Bjørn, that he tried to response and stand up when he heard her voice but was too weak to even stand or bark. She elaborated more about his situation and explained to me what the vet said. And while all the talking was happening, she interrupted our conversation by saying "wala na si Bjørn"..
Hearing that for the first time she said it was unbelievable..maybe its just an initial reaction of humans to a negative situation..in denial..so i kept silent..and asked her again.."patay na si Bjørn?" she replied.."OO..sorry"...I was hurt, my heart broke..
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