Last night

Kung meron pang ilulungkot ang mga nag daang araw sa buhay ko...wala na sigurong lulungkot pa kagabi...Well, my day started as usual..gumising na maaga at i snooze ang alarm clock ng every ten minutes for 40 minutes..tpos magpasalamat sa Dyos at patuloy na humihinga pa din ako kahit mejo masama ang loob ksi kelangan gumising..alam mo naman..pag bagong gising!hehe..nakasimangot pa nga ako habang nasa CR...ginigising ko pa ung sarili ko.. At para magising..khit na malamig sa labas start na ksi ng autumn..kelangan ko maligo! kung hindi lalo akong aandap andap sa trabaho..baka tabihan ko pa mga pasiente ko!wahahaha...pagka ligo nag almusal at nag muni muni habang kinokondisyon ang sarili papasok sa trabaho...pag labas ko ng pinto ng condo nmin..bumuga ako para malaman kung malamig tlga..at malamig nga ksi nag smoke ang bibig ko..hinabaan ko ung jacket ko para matakpan ung mga palad ko at tinaas ang hood.. 6 minutes ang nag daan...andun na ko sa trabaho ko..walking distance lang tlga! nakasalubong ko pa nga si eunice pa akyat ng napakabilis namin elevator..pag nag hagdan ka..mauuna ka pa sa eleavator namin noh! ganon sya kabilis! Nagpalit ako ng working clothes sa lockerroom at dumerecho sa 2nd floor..

god morgen..batian namin pag umaga! ako hinahabaan ko ung god morgen ko para mas melambing!hahaha..ksi parang hindi mo naman minimean ung god morgen mo pag masyadong mabilis! tamang makabati lang ba! eh gusto ko maiba,,tpos tiningnan ko ung listahan ng trabaho namin..ksi diniditribute ung mga pasiente at ung mga trabaho..habang tinitingnan ko..aba..unti unting naniningkit ang mga singkit kong mata!!! Aba! parang me mali sa nakasulat...at ang tulisan ay si eunice..khit kming 2 lang sa kwarto non..di kmi nag uusap..pilit ko ksing inaanalyse kung tama ba ung nakikita ko...eh totoo tlga!! iniisip ko din kung palalampasin ko ba to or hindi..oo mabait ako,,kaya kong pag bigyan..ang kinakatakot ko..ung maulit ulit ang ganong situasyon..mejo ipit ksi ako..ksi una mas magaling sya mag norsk sa kin..pangalawa un pa din! =) siempre salita lang naman ang puedeng gamitin para ipagtanggol ang sarili..alangan naman bubugin ko sya!?hahah..sa madaling salita..nabadtrip ako sa ginawa nya at kung plastikan lang..hindi ako plastik,,hindi ko sya tinitingnan ksi naiinis tlga ako dun sa ginawa nya!

Nagsimula na ko sa trabaho ko pero di ko pa din matanggal sa isip ung nakita ko...sabi ko sa sarili ko..kakausapin ko ung mas mataas sa min! at lumipas ang mga oras..nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon kausapin ung mas mataas samin..sabi ko..parang mali tong listahan na to..? sabi nya "Ja! det er noen som har endret dette..det er ikke lov å gjøre sånn".."hvem som har gjørt det?"..(translation: OO..meron gumalaw nito..hindi puede galawin kung ano ang nakasulat dito.."sino ang nagbago nito?"..) sabi ko si eunice..sabi nya..kakausapin nya si eunice...sa isip isip ko..eh dpat lang! (fast forward.....)

Alas 3..uwian na..at mejo maluwag na ang isip ko ksi na remdyohan ko ung ka injustice-ihan na ginawa sa kin...pag dating ko sa bahay naman..ang kalat!!!! At ung mga tissue pa din...ung mga gamit at lahat lahat...parang lahat gusto ko ibato sa labas..siempre ayoko ng paka stress,,nag tago ako sa kwarto ng mama at tatay ko..andun ako simula alas 6 hanggang 11 ng gabi..

Siguro..dala ng malamig na panahon at ka stressan sa lahat ng bagay..na hohome sick ako....namimiss ko ung home ko,,,=)

God is good all the time!

Good evening..Magandang gabi..=) Im layin on my bed..with a back that sores and a little bit of headache. Been drained for two days now because Ive been moving in to my new house! Yahoo!! It was really not easy! First, for the pocket..my bank account is almost empty..well i needed to buy somethings for my place and its a good thing i have a little savings..but though.,,it was not enough..costs a lot here! Especially when you want ur furnitures to be delivered right at ur door step..(those that are really really heavy),,WOW! Ang mahal kamo!!haha...Aside from the almost empty account, it had been raining hard these past few days..and i took a moving out leave,,so i do need to move though it was raining cats and dogs...and also,doing the shopping for furnitures here is not a breeze at all..yes the furnitures are really pretty and simple, elegant..but of course..u have to do it yourself,,especially getting it from the stocking area! hahaha..i was alone with two IKEA carts.one with a bed and dresser, the other cart is filled with chairs and tables and others..but thankfully..i managed to go thru the long lines in the cashier running back and forth..And i paid for the furnitures and walahh...my energy is almost gone, and my account as well.. Here's the catch! After all the hardwork of buying things for my house..the energy and the money..it felt good after all..seeing the stuffs I both inside OUR house was worth working hard for..and I am thankful for them.. and more..YEs! i checked my acct..my money doubled!!!hahaha..I dont know why..i mean i know why it doubled but the reason for why obos have to pay me some money...THAT I dONT know..well i hope its not a mistake.....God is really good all the time...He knows what we need..just ask and pray...plus maybe God doesnt want me celebrating my bday empty handed..Thank U Lord!

Children

Wuff dah!! ITs exactly one week and a half since my parents left for a vacation in our home country..the PHilippines!hehe..And i'm here now at our messy house..full of dirty tissues around, papers of some sort and a can of beer infront of me..Hey! I was not the bad messy girl around here..I have a little bro with me (which of course i am more than obliged to take care of!)..and its tiring! Tiring coz i always have to remind him of the things he need to do or to return the things that used back from where it came from..PLUS the tissues! WTF! Our house is not that big but i can say that everycorner of it has a trashcan and I cant get it why cant he just shoot it in there!! Is he just lazy or just so inconsiderate to others..He is 13! And i remember when i was 13...yah..ive had my badtimes..but not that SO-BIG BAD! hahaha...grr! the tissue?! even a toddler knows where to throw a dirty tissue! haaayy..i just cant imagine my parents agonizing years of growing and guiding us 3..YES..siblings are different and imagine the parents' sacrifices for all the desires, wants and needs of each child...that was hard work (i can speak for my parents!).. But sad to say..no matter how parents try to guide us to the path they wanted us to go, its still our WAY that usually works for us..(or we make it work)..We have our minds of our own, and trust me..hurting our parents is the least in our minds but sometimes we just have to live our lives (no matter how our parents disagree with it)..but i know, our parents are always praying for us to be happy in the path that we've chosen..and thats why I just let my bro be..hahaha..is that just an excuse?! Well..iam also hoping that he'll learn his lesson someday of being considerate to other peeps around and not just his own body!


a little something for my parents..More often than not, i was never able to express my gratitude and love to them. I was never a perfect daughter that they would want to be...but I will always be their child and they will always be my "makers"..its their flesh and blood that runs in my veins..many things can change but that will never ever..and I thank GOD for giving me such wonderful, loving and noisy but reponsible parents! And I love them! Iam where iam right now thru their hardwork and guidance..with GOD's hands..

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Live

Enda en dag skal bli ferdig..Ja, det var ganske tøff men takker jeg fortsatt at det er sikkert at jeg lærte mye i dag. 320 dager før, jeg bodde i mitt hjemmelandet og reiste ditt i Norge for å søke bedre fremtiden..Jeg synes at live hit er bedre. Man kan kjøpe alle tinger som det vil så lenge at man har jobb..men..selvsagt..Det er deilig hvis man kan bo i hjemmelandet sitt også kjøper hva man vil.. ikke sant?! Ja..litt trist for meg..Men men..penger er ikke alt!

Jeg savner alle familien min..venner og særlig min Mahal..Dem er vikitigste i mitt livet..og husk at tiden som har gått, den kommer ikke tilbake..Hvis man har mistet en spesielt dag i noen sit live..sikkert at man mistet dette for evig..

AMEN

how do i begin...? These past few days, ive been waiting for something to happen. Well well..i want to make it clear that im not "just waiting"...U see, this thing that ive been wanting to happen is NOT under my control..well if its under mine, definitely i did something already about it already than suffer the "tensi-fying" feeling of anticipation..

Ive been out of the country for almost a year now and more than anything else...I want to be with one who i love the most..We all have different kinds of love..YES..of course i miss my family, relatives and friends and the person im talkin abt is the one I plan the rest of my life with..Its when the family gains another member and another filipino family becomes extended. And yes, I miss this person soo much and I have been praying really hard for her to be here with me.. I was expecting that her visum will be out this week but sad to say, its not yet..I try not to be disappointed, not to be sad and not to sound to desperate..but it does affect me.. It was never easy to wait..especially when the waiting time is agonizing...Im feeling like a lightened candle in a dark room that slowly melts down while waiting for the lighst to be turned on.. And during these times,,there's only one Being that I call.. Its my God that I call upon..to show me the light, to give me more patience and to help me accept that things are already under His control...He knows when the right time is..and just as i am..I usually say this to myself so i can feel better and in peace..doing that makes me crazy....Lord give me patience...Let Your will be done! AMEN

what hurts the most....

another night is about to end and i am still thinking about my dog..I still cant get over the fact that i was not there for him when he needed me...I know i wont be able to do anything to keep him alive but just to let him know that i am also loyal to him until his dying hours... what hurts the most is wanting to be there for someone you love and care about in their trying times but can't...it hurts..even if its just a dog... =,C

Bjørn trying to fight for his life..

a master's cry 2

After confirming that my Bjørn is really dead, my tears almost fell, i had to deep breathly so i can get the pain out of my chest...I happened so fast! It was just this morning when he was brought to the clinic and now HE IS DEAD?!! Is this true??! THe whole day i was at work i was thinking how it happened,, and that i did not even see him once again. Its almost ten months since I last saw him and now i have to accept that I will never see him again.

Bjørn was always been loyal to me. Yes i know its given becuase his my dog and im his master. But just like any other relationship, we believe that your relationship (master and pet) is different from any other past relationships with the other dogs we had and its different from other master and dog relationship around us. Bjørn and I had our goodtimes..He used to sleep beside me on my bed (he's just a toy dog so i dont mind)until my parents had their vacation in Alabang. They did not like Bjørn to be free inside the house because He is a very stubborn dog. Always chasing anything that runs, that comes around him. Always jumping and he is very protective..(Feeling nya pitbull sya sa tapang!!)..Aside from being stubborn, he bit my brother's hand that caused him to stay outside the house. Well.. i didnt argue with my parents about it because biting my baby bro was really bad thing to do. But when my parents left for Norway, Bjørn had his freedom again. We are most of the time alone in our 3-floored house, so He did his stubborness while i was not looking. But everytime I called him surely he will come running to me. He also listens to me when I needed someone to talk to..hahaha (di pa ko baliw!) THis is just a product of being alone on rainy days.. There was no one to talk to, so I talked to him and I think he listened or maybe just pretending!hahaha..he fell asleep eventually. I said earlier that Bjørn is very protective..too much of it is bad. There were two othere persons that he bit and that made me to let him to stay outside the house. I also have my nieces around so i needed to protect them from Bjørn.. we know how babies are..they just used their hand anywhere..hit anything and i was afraid that they might hit Bjørn and surelly he will bite them.

His first night outside the house again from a very long time was sleepless.. He was crying..and of course Im his master, but i needed to set the rules. I tried to ignore his cry and i want him to get use to his situation. Well it did not take long and he got used to it. But i make sure that when it rains,, he stays inside.. From then on, Bjørn was my watch dog. And i can hear his bark from our street parking lot everytime i arrived from school. Until I became busy with school and other things. Bjørn became the least in my priorities. I wasnt able to find time to walk him but his food, that I always make sure. He only eats dogfood, so my stock of dogfood was never empty and it if does..ill really make my way to give him something that he's . used to.

After my adjustment to school and some other things..I was able to spend more time with Bjørn. ANd of course..he was ever loyal..as if i was never gone. As if I was always there for him to open the door when he cried so he can stay inside the house. As if i never ignored him when i came passed him without even looking at him or tapping his head. I know he loves me..I am the only person that can touch his plate while his eating without him attempting to bite my hand. He trusted me so much and for him, i will always be his master no matter how bad i treated him.

And now his service ended up so quickly..He will always be remembered by me, by US..I think I wont buy a dog for a pet for some time. ill be mourning for Bjørn and I just wish i was there when he took his last breath..I wished he heard me calling his name. I wish I was there to tap his head and touch his body for the last time..Goodbye Bjørn..We'll miss YOU!

a master's cry

08.08.08--I thought it was just another day for me. Aside from the usual not-having-a- goodnights sleep, i did not prepare for anything special this day. I was up every hour from 1 am til 3am and i talking to myself "matulog ka na! me trabaho ka pa!"..Well i guess after thinking about several plain white bondpapers, i did find my sleep but i know that i am half awake.

My mobilfone rang around 5.30 to 6 am and i was quite pissed because it was hell of a night for me, but anyway i still have to wake up to prepare for work. SO i took the fone and i was my sister in law with a very bad news for me. THe usual hi's and hello's and then straight to the matter. She just reported that my beloved dog Bjørn is in bad shape. Well, i was half asleep and half awake and i didnt quite realised the impact of how severe he was. She told me that my dog is in the clinic and on IVF because he has infection of heartworm. I am not familiar with the disease and i reacted just as it was a fever or the like..I told her that ask the Vets to do everything they can do and we hoped that Bjørn will be well.

So i hung up the phone went to the CR, did the morning rituals and headed to work. It was quite a busy morning for me. So many things to do at work but despite that, i remembered to put my mobilfone in my pocket just in case! coz i usually leave it in my bag coz it was quite heavy to have it in my pocket. Anyway..around 10am..my fone was ringing but i was too bz to answer it and it was not allowed to take calls while we are at work. But after a few minutes it rang again just as i was about to feed my patient, meaning iam inside her room and i can take the call. I took it and it was CJ. She said that she is with Bjørn right now and that he is trying to stand up despite how bad his situation is. I wanted to talk to my dog, i wanted him to hear me and tell him that i am here and that he should get well because i will see him when i have my vacation back in Alabang. Cj said that she cant because he is in a cage and it was quite difficult. So she talked about Bjørn, that he tried to response and stand up when he heard her voice but was too weak to even stand or bark. She elaborated more about his situation and explained to me what the vet said. And while all the talking was happening, she interrupted our conversation by saying "wala na si Bjørn"..

Hearing that for the first time she said it was unbelievable..maybe its just an initial reaction of humans to a negative situation..in denial..so i kept silent..and asked her again.."patay na si Bjørn?" she replied.."OO..sorry"...I was hurt, my heart broke..

Jeg må ha hensyn..

I woke up today with an extraordinary excitement..Well, of course its not just because i was still breathing when i opened my eyes but its because i will be having a "visning" today! My cousing had been texting me since yesterday about our movie date but of course! i told her that before we go to the movie house, she should join me with the visning,,and luckily she said yes..

3pm today, i was on my home from work. My tired eyes were showing because i came from an afternoon shift and then day shift the next day..so my sleep was not that enough..but still, i tried to fight my sleepyheadedness and eventually i lost..hehe..fell asleep on the sofa infront of the TV until it was 5pm..I woke up, washed my face and garggled and shouted (silently hehehehe) "Tay, alis na tayo!"..and we were on r way to the visning.. Driving r way to Stovner, he told something..he said in a very calm manner.."Nung dumating ka dito sa Norway, akala namin ng Mama mo makakaluwag kami..yon pala bibili ka din ng bahay mong sarili"..Of course, without using my mind, i reacted defensively! This was always been an issue..I was thinking to myself..im helping the bestway i can..and i cannot exhaust everything i earn just to help them?!! I have my life to live as well (so ungrateful ikke sant?!) was i really ungrateful?! YES, they have spent much for studies, having been in college twice is not that easy..costs much of course! And I am aware of that.. Well if i can help them with just one earning a month,,y not? But i have to give a share to myself as well..I work my ass so hard for 20-22 days a month and i think i deserve some part of my earning for myself..I dont mean to sound so bad..They have been good parents and providers to me..and I thank God for giving them to me but for now, this is all i could do to help them... I really want a place of my own, not just to have privacy but more than that, i believe its time for me to independent from them.. When i was younger, i used to watch american movies and everytime i see a teenager from a certain movie who's not living with his/her parents anymore, i always told myself, that if i reach that age and if i have the capacity, I would want to be independent also..

I may be having a place of my own, but i always keep in mind that i will still help them with the best i can..And if today i am working hard to provide for myself, im pretty sure that I need to work a little more harder just to pay the bills.. And as for my parents, yes maybe the payment im giving them right now is not yet enough to pay the monetary value they spent for me, but my love and "utang ng loob" to them will always be there..Im sure someday..all will be well.. =)